TRUE JOY!

OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA!!!!

I know this is a little late since the election was weeks ago, but besides some of my own life drama, I've been walking around in a daze, afraid that the news is too good to be true, that I must be dreaming and that anytime now I am going to wake up.

To have someone who is so brilliant, so idealistic, so historical, so amazing, I could go on and on...

I've been an Obama fan from day one. Day One. I loved his speech four years ago at the Democratic convention and I have fought against anyone who would even dare to say that he is anything less than brilliant since. He just might be the best thing that has happened to this country in our generation. Maybe in many generations.

To think that people voted against it, even though his policies are better for their own life than McCain's, is as smart as people drinking poison for fun.

For once in my life, I am having a really hard time putting into words exactly how I feel. The tremendous joy that most of my friends and I feel is beyond euphoric. There are really no words that can truly capture it.

I got a chance to work as an Election Protection Attorney for the campaign for a few days and it was an amazing experience. Smart, inspirational people from all walks of life. I wouldn't trade that experience for anything.

I must say, despite Obama's message of unity, the last few months have given me more animosity towards Republicans than before. Before I just thought they were incorrect in their beliefs. Now I'm starting to think they are sadistic and frankly just not that smart. The fact that we almost had Palin as a vice president, a woman who didn't know Africa is a continent brings a chill to my spine. How close we were to having the Old War Hawk/Young Dingbat ticket running the country and consequently most international affairs makes me angry at people who voted for them like you would be angry at a truck driver on their cell phone who came very close to side swiping you and killing you and your family in your little car.

We dodged a bullet folks. And not only that, but were blessed with someone who actually has a brilliantly high level of intelligence. What a change from the last 8 years. It almost makes me believe there is a God. Almost.

I am going to keep this blog relatively tame b/c my wisdom teeth hurt and I need some sleep, lol. But you get the gist of it. I know this blog post wasn't very eloquent but its hard for me to get eloquent without truly saying how I feel, but I also don't want to get the constant complaints that people are offended.

I'm very angry at people who voted to almost ruin the world. For anyone who is offended, I'm offended by your vote. hehe

FIST BUMP PLEASE!

After a While

THIS POEM ALWAYS HELPED ME IN TIMES WHERE LIFE WAS A LITTLE TOO TOUGH, A LITTLE TOO "REAL", A LITTLE TOO UNACCEPTABLE! I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY!

After A While
©1971 Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of [wo]man,
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

"Before I was not much unsatisfied, but since a god has touched me and departed, I run through every temple broken hearted" - Mary Webb

To J.G on News of His Marriage - By Ephelia

My Love? alas! I must not call you Mine,
But to your envy'd Bride that Name resign:
I must forget your lovely melting Charms,
And be fore ever Banisht from your Arms:
For ever? oh! the Horrow of that Sound!
It gives my bleeding Heart a deadly wound:
While I might hope, although my Hope was vain,
It gave some Ease to my unpitty' Pain,
But now your Hymen doth all Hope exclude,
And but to think is Sin; yet you intrude
On every Thought; if I but close my Eyes,
Methinks your pleasing Form besides me lies;
With every Sigh I gently breath your Name,
Yet no ill Thoughts pollute my hallow'd Flame;
'Tis pure and harmless, as a Lambent Fire,
And ever mingled with a warm Desire:
All I have now to ask Bounteous Heaven,
Is, that your Perjuries may be forgiven:
That she who you have with your Nuptials blest,
As She's the Happiest Wife, may prove the Best:
That all our Joys may light on you alone,
Then I can be contented to have none:
And never wish that you shou'd kinder be,
Than now and then, to cast a Thought on Me:
And, Madam, though the Conquest you have won,
Over my Strephon, has my hopes undone;
I'le daily beg of Heaven, he may be
Kinder to You, than he has been to Me.

LAST MINUTE BAR EXAM TIPS

I know this is a little late, but better late than never. For those who are taking the bar for the first or millionth time this summer, here are some last minute things I did the second time that made a difference for me!!! **Disclaimer: This is what worked for me, take tips at your own risk!

1) Study in your best environment.

Not everybody studies the same way. For example, I'm a late sleeper. I like to wake up late and study till the wee hours of the morning. Trying to study early in the morning the first time just didn't work for me. Also, if you're a quiet studier, don't let yourself get dragged to a coffee shop. Or if you hate libraries like I do, don't give in and go to one.

2) Take your vitamins

Let's face it, you're going to eat bad and you're not going to go to the gym. This is particularly true towards the end of the process. The gym can wait, get your vitamins instead!! I recommend "StressTabs" in your vitamin aisle!!!

3) Don't write out full essays (and don't use Barbri's at all)- Especially this late in the game

Barbri's essays are awful. Their answer outlines are even worse. Do yourself a favor, go to the CA bar website and read old essays . Then issue spot and outline them and compare them to the bar's sample answers. Unless you barely made it to a barely accredited law school, you should know how to write complete sentences. You don't need to waste time practicing that. Outline instead!!!!

Also, get an account at Baressays.com. It's not too late for this! It gives you real essays that failed and you can compare them and see what is required to get a certain grade!

4) Get a hotel room (even if the exam location is close)

You would think that you might be more comfy at home but there is something to be said for being in an all "Bar Exam Zone" where everyone in the entire hotel is feeling the same emotions and giving everybody else the same considerations.

5) Stop answering your phone a week in advance

Everybody else's drama can wait a week, not to sound horrible, but unless someone died it really can't be as important as the bar exam!

6) Go swimming at the hotel pool right after the exam

This may sound silly, but it just washes away the day's exhaustion and leaves your prepared to study some more. And if you took the bar in the 113 degree weather of Ontario, CA, you will realize how important this is. It kind of just washes away the day.

7) Forget flashcards

This was a monumental waste of time the first time.

8) Constantly shorten your outlines!

For the exam, take your short outlines and your conviser to the hotel for studying. You don't need any other Bar Bri book!!!!

9) Don't use earplugs during the bar if you didn't use them in law school

They never worked for me, the bar was not the time to give them a second chance.

10) Don't rehash the day's mistakes.

It's over. Done. Final. So forget about it and use the time to study for the next day.

11) Set up a time limit for how late you are going to study and then put the notes down. I'm not a big advocate of a ton of sleep in general, but even if you're not sleeping, you could be watching tv or relaxing

12) Eat a smart breakfast. No bacon and eggs. Nothing greasy or heavy. Good suggestions are a protein bar and banana or a PB&J sandwich.

13) Up the caffeine factor a little more than your usual intake. Yes, you will need it. Even if you're jittery, jittery is better than asleep

14) Study a little in the morning before the exam. Don't believe the idea that last minute cramming doesn't help. There were several things on the exam that I had only learned a couple minutes before it.

15) Know with confidence that if the kid next to you says after the exam that it was easy, he probably failed.

16) Do not assume that just because a subject appeared on the first day of essays, it won't be on the other day of essays. Don't rule anything out!!

Overall, you have to remember that you have been a student for a really long time and that you generally know what works for you. Now is not the time to adapt other people's study habits, etc. It is time for you to do what you've always done which got you to law school. The bar exam is so different from law school exams that you almost have to take yourself back to the student you were before law school, when you still had an intact spirit and some hope and attack this exam. The first time I took it, I saw it as an opponent I was playing defense against and any good competitor knows that a defensive game is a losing one. The second time I really did take a different view on the exam and wrote offensively. I wrote every argument that came to mind, I didn't stop to doubt myself. I kept hydrated and caffeinated and came through with a passing grade!!

GOOD LUCK!

TRAGEDY AND TRIUMPH

History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats. - B.C Forbes

TRAGEDY

My grandmother (on my mother's side) passed away last week. She wasn't ill or anything, just had reached the end of her long life. Regardless, it was an immense blow to me. I keep thinking about how she was the most beautiful and honest person I have ever had the privilege of knowing. She was just about the purest person you could ever know and she will be missed more than I can ever say. I'm honored to be her granddaughter and if I can live my life being even 1% as honorable as she was, I can be happy in that.

The thing that I think hurts the most about the death of someone close to you is the knowledge that it will never be the same again. And although the pain of mourning may slip to the back of your mind as time goes on, the pain is just as fresh every time you do think of it, and it will always be that fresh.

But life does go on, as it must go on, and growing up means adopting the grace of a woman when dealing with tragedy. So with that, I will make the most awkward of transitions and move on to triumphs.

TRIUMPHS:

Admittedly, there is no easy to move from death to the bar, but oh well. Last week I was officially sworn in as a member of the California Bar. It was a bit anti-climactic since I was dealing with a death and also because I have no job. But yet, there I was, at the end of this long journey towards my dream. It's a sweet feeling, having reached your dream. Very few get to experience that feeling in life. So many people are constantly spinning their wheels and changing their dreams, just because one becomes too hard or improbable.

Sadly, passing the bar is not just about hard work, but a lot about luck. A lot of it depends on whether you were lucky to get a good reader. So to all those who are taking the CA bar again this summer, I commend you for the perseverance to continue following your dream and also lots of luck to get a good reader. It's not an easy feat, but I'm sure it pays off in the end (I'm still waiting for my payoff, lol)

OH HAPPY DAY!!

I PASSED THE CALIFORNIA BAR!!!


More details and reaction, etc, later. For now, the best sleep of my life!

Congrats to everyone who passed!!

OH THE ANXIETY....

We experience moments absolutely free from worry. These brief respites are called panic.

Cullen Hightower

There is only one thing worse than the 3 days of the bar exam: The week before the results. I've been a mess, way worse than last time. First of all, my tear ducts are out of control. I am sensitive and moody, angry and bored, anxious and excited and absolutely terrified. I feel like I must have passed, I'm just not the failing type. But then again that's what I thought last time. A lot of people keep saying, "no worries, so you'll take it again". These are times I want to punch my most precious loved ones straight in the face. Clearly they have no idea what taking it again means.

I think most of my anxiety comes from not having an action plan this time. I don't have a plan on whether I want to take it again and I certainly don't have a plan for picking myself off the floor and dusting myself off if the worst happens.

I hope I passed. I mean, I've never really wanted anything more. For me, education is so important. I hate to say it, but it's how I measure my worth and how I measure everyone else's as well. Bad habit I know, but I mean, when I die, the thing that I know for sure, is that I earned a J.D., that I made people proud, that I reached my dream.

But this stupid exam is such an obstacle and it's bad for your sanity. All I do is cry and yell and mope and worry and eat and have migraines , etc, (you get the picture).

Tomorrow I am going to the Buddhist temple again to find some inner peace and visualize success.

A thank you to the friends that have been constantly checking in on me (you know who you are), I appreciate the daily kind words and support more than I can say.

To everybody that is awaiting results, I wish you the most heartfelt luck that I have ever wished anyone.

TO LIVE AND DIE IN LA....

Well, more like, to live and walk in LA. Let me start this post with a disclaimer: I don't go on walks and certainly never ever go running. This is why my recent walk was very exciting for me.

I've been working out a lot lately (well, a lot for me). Practically ever day. But try as I might, I will never be one of those people who enjoys the gym. It's just not me. Maybe it was all of those years as a student where I channeled any extra energy I had into more and more school. It doesn't help me relax, I don't feel more energetic afterwards (in fact, I usually feel like puking), and I certainly have no fun. So I've decided to switch it up a bit instead of dragging myself to the gym all the time and then getting bored and quit. Since it's been nice weather, one day a couple days ago I decided to walk to the bookstore, do some reading (hey, i'm broke), and walk back.

Bookstore is super close to me, only about 2.6 miles roundtrip but walking in LA turned out to be harder than it sounds. First of all, after 4 years of living in the same apartment I only just realized that the street by my house that leads to the bookstore doesn't have sidewalks or street lamps for the first .6 miles. On my way to the bookstore I somehow managed to cut through peoples' driveways and lawns in order to not get hit by traffic. After I got to sidewalk areas, I realized a few things. First, the smell from the donut store is stronger when you walk past it. Second, nasty men will continue to honk at you and try to hit on you as if you are going to realize he is prince charming and run with open arms towards his car. Third, walking in LA might actually be harmful to your health due to the pollution.

Anyways, I was almost to the bookstore when I started regretting my decision. My feet hurt, the weather was getting cold, and my caffeine level was getting low. But a couple minutes later, I saw the promise land: The Mall (which is next to the bookstore). So a couple hours and some dull details later, I decided to head back. Fast forward a couple minutes, the weather becomes unbearably cold, the sky dangerously dark, and the traffic even heavier. Ugh, why did I do this?

But I trekked through, even stopped at trader joes on my way and walked home with a ton of groceries. Going through the no sidewalk, no light zone was an adventure. There was no light at all except for the car headlights that drove through (thank goodness for LA traffic), and I spent the time balancing on the curb and trekking through gravel paths in the dark, with the groceries, and made it without falling on my face.

Now I'm sure none of this is extremely excited for anyone. But for me it was a small victory because I'm just not the type to do it.

One thing I realized is, I love Los Angeles. Growing up in Orange County, I appreciate the fact that there is just something great about the fact that LA doesn't have that air of boredom that OC has. There is always something going on. I love certain things about this city. For example, the fact that everyone will give you dirty looks if you are one of those people who doesn't bring their own reusable grocery bags to the store. (on a side note, seriously people, get reusable bags, stop being a tool).

Anyways, 2.6 miles and a bunch of organic goodies later, I was a happy camper.

Fast forward 2 days, my shins are killing me!! Basically I've owned the same sneakers forever. I hate them, hate hate hate. They are SO UGLY!

But I needed new ones so I went to Foot Locker and bought the following:

They are tolerable I guess, but I still despise the concept of sneakers. They are listed in my book under things you should never wear in public unless some physical reason for it, along with Birkenstocks and those hideous Crocs!!

Just as I brought the shoes home, upset that I had paid so much for something so yucky, I saw the following ad on MTV: (listen in IE, if sound doesn't work).

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

Well , at least I'm not the only one. Lol. Public service announcement: don't wear your sneakers out, they are for working out. It's just as ridiculous to wear stilettos to the gym as it is to wear gym shoes out. Ok, done venting.

Kate Voegele - Wish You Were

Gone away are the golden days
Just a page in my diary
So here I am a utopian citizen
I'm still convinced
There's no such thing as idealism

Memories they're following me like a shadow now
And I'm dreamin'
Cause I've already suffered the fever of disbelief

I've seen your act
And I know all the facts
I'm still in love with who I wish you were

It ain't hard to see
Who you are underneath
I'm still in love with who I wish you were
And I wish you were here

I was true as the sky is blue
I couldn't soon say the same for you
So now I find denial in my eyes
I'm mesmerized by the picture that's in my mind

Tell me when I'll finally see your shallow heart
For what it is
'Cause I don't want to keep on believin' in illusions

No no no

Cause I've seen your act
And I know all the facts
I'm still in love with who I wish you were

It ain't hard to see
Who you are underneath
I'm still in love with who I wish you were
I wish you were here

Sometimes I can't explain
And I'm so sorry that I can't
I'll try to concentrate
On your true identity

Cause I've seen your act
And I know all the facts
I'm still in love with who I wish you were

It ain't hard to see
Who you are underneath
I'm still in love with who I wish you were

I've seen your act
And I know all the facts
I'm still in love with who I wish you were

It ain't hard to see
Who you are underneath
I'm still in love with who I wish you were

I wish you were here... Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
I wish you were here... Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
I wish you were here...
I wish you were here...
I wish you were here...

SAN DIEGO

Last Sunday Payam and I decided to go to San Diego. Originally, we had planned to spend the whole weekend there at a beachfront resort and go to Sea World on Sunday. But as the weekend approached, our plans were quickly ruined as the impending rain made getting a hotel a waste of money and other bills made Sea World a bad choice. But we headed down to see what San Diego offered for a days entertainment.

Now, I've been to San Diego a million times. Never really liked anything there except Old Town. But since I'm an old fart now, I figured maybe it would amuse me. Not so. If my friend Chuki who lives near San Diego hadn't joined us, I think we would have been bored early in the day and headed home. But having her there made it fun and we found some things to entertain us.

First place we went was the Carlsbad Flower Fields, which if you've never been, you've missed out. For those of us who live in Los Angeles and barely see anything besides smog and cars, this larger than life flower field is quite amazing and refreshing.

The picture above really doesn't do it justice, it is so much larger than I captured in the picture. Anyways for $8 you can come in and enjoy the flowers as well as the carnival food and the playground (if you have kids). At the end of the field you can sneak in and take some pics amongst the flowers:


The flower fields also serve as organic strawberry fields and outside you can get a fresh strawberry shortcake!!
Afterwards we headed to Old Town, where I forgot to take any pictures and had large margaritas and listened to some live music.

Overall it was a fun day and nice to get out of Los Angeles and see some natural beauty.

WILL I EVER GET THE HANG OF THIS?

Now that I've entered the Post - Bar waiting world, I am trying to catch up on things that I've let slide for about, well, 4 years since I started law school. Since it is spring, I've been trying to do some serious spring cleaning. I must admit, I can be a messy person. I'm not dirty, in fact, I'm very clean. But I am HORRIBLE at putting things back where they belong, especially if I am tired or stressed, which explains how my apartment got to this condition during the hell of law school.

At the same time, I've been reading about Feng Shui and how to decorate your home accordingly (more on that in a later post). So my first step in Feng Shui was to declutter my home by throwing away anything I didn't need or love, including old keepsakes and such. The key is to get rid of the old and bring new energy to the home.

Fast forward a week since I started and I am sitting in an apartment that looks like a department store after an earthquake. I AM SO BAD at cleaning one area before moving to another. It's weird because I am not like this in school or work but when it comes to cleaning I can't finish a task at a time. So I have about 10 areas of unfinished tasks.

The good news is I have now thrown away.....(drum roll please)....14 backs of papers, kitchen appliances, knick knacks, keepsakes, etc. and I am nowhere near being done.

I just wish I could stick to a cleaning task when I get to a point of frustration... ::sigh::

PS: I know that was a boring post, but life post bar exam is what it is.

THE INEVITABLE MARCH MADNESS

I hate March. Really I do. First of all, I love winter, and cloudy skies and rainy weather. Spring and the allergies it brings not so much.

Second of all, its such a juggling act for me. Not only is it persian new year, which is a month long event which requires visiting everyone you know then having all of them turn around and come over and visit you. On top of that, everyone I seem to know has a b-day in March, most especially this week. This week it is my friend T-Perry's bday, my grandma's bday, my dad's bday and my BFF Shabnam's bday. On top of that , my friend Cyrano is also having a show that I would really like to go to this weekend. So every year I face the same dilemma: where do I go? Everyone always wants to celebrate on the weekend but clearly I can't be in 6 places at the same time. Of course, family takes precedent since they are most important but once family takes precedent, that pretty much takes up my weekend.

::Sigh:: Every march I feel like I let someone down and it sucks cuz inevitably I miss out on some festivity or another. On top of all that, I've been kind of a hermit, just licking the bar exam wounds and try to adjust to life after the bar and as other bar takers know, it's like adjusting when you've come home from war. ::sigh again:: this has been a rough week.

TWO PRODUCT RECOMMENDATIONS!

Recently I have had two great product experiences: The first one is something I have owned for a long time but never had time to use it: The Williams-Sonoma Kitchen Companion is amazing for both people who are kitchen savvy or beginners. It literally has every single kitchen ingredient you could ever think of and lists information such as how to select, how to prepare, what to use it for, etc. It also has every kitchen technique, such as boiling, blanching, braising, etc and how to do it. It's amazing!! Check out amazon and get yourself a cheap copy!!! Or check it out here: http://tinyurl.com/34paev


Product number 2 is a new one that I've wanted to try for a long time: The Neti Pot
I'm a long time allergy sufferer and I bought this a couple days ago from Whole foods and after using it ONLY ONCE I have been allergy pill free for 6 days after 13 years of taking allergy pills every day!!! Just mix some salt and warm water and presto! It's also awesome! Check it out also on amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Ancient-Secrets-Ceramic-Nasal-Cleansing/dp/B000OLEC6I

Hope these products are as good for your life as they have been for mine!!

BAR EXAM RUNDOWN

Better late than never right?

I know it's a bit delayed, but I feel like I should still do a bar exam wrap-up since all the other bloggers did and for my own sense of closure.

So this time I promised myself no studying during the 3 days and no panicking. On the way to Ontario, I modified the promise to no studying after midnight and no panicking. The only promise I kept was no panicking.

We get there on Monday and first of all let me say that the hotel hooked it up. Gave me a poolside room like I requested and put in the foam and feather pillows that I asked for. Fabulous.

Payam and Cyrano went to the bar downstairs to play pool and as much as I wanted to resist studying, I couldn't. I went down to the bar, had a large drink and went upstairs and hit the books. Went to sleep at 1 am (screw the midnight rule) and woke up at 5 am to study some more.

Day 1 (morning):
Ok, torts was unexpected but oh well, it was negligence and strict liability, no sweat. If after 3 years of law school and 2 bar exams, you can't spit out some negligence, well I don't know what to tell ya.

Professional responsibility was expected so I was super prepared for it. BUT, even though I had memorized all the CA distinctions, of course they had to ask the ones where the distinctions were less clear and harder to memorize. Oh well. It was ok.

Murder/Crim Pro: This was a cheap shot. Most people I talked to neglected this topic because (1) its generally easy to answer on the MBE and (2) it wasn't expected on the essay. I was one of these people. This essay took a lot of BSing on my part, I don't think I did well on the murder portion but I was pull some crap out for crim pro. The good thing is most people score lower on the last essay just b/c none of us actually keep an hour for it!

Day 1 Afternoon: OK THIS PERFORMANCE EXAM SUCKED!! Nothing about the assignment was hard, but for some reason the cases and the statutes didn't lend to a logical organization and the only thing that made sense was the last call of question which you didn't have enough time for because you spent the first 2 and a half hours pulling out your hair and crying into your laptop.

Day 2: MBE

Simple and to the point, sucked that they didn't ask any of the big stuff. Didn't fall asleep this time for longer than 4 questions. Whatever.


Day 3 Morning:

Trusts: I was afraid of trust but I think I did well on this one. I basically mentioned everything in trusts and either applied or dismissed. Sweet sweet deal.

Community Property: The same thing as Crim above. Didn't really study it, was able to miraculously remember Putative Spouse Doctrine. It was jacked that they only asked about bank accounts and I kept getting the accounts screwed up in my head.

Biz Orgs/agency/Prof Resp: Lot of issues and not a lot of time. So basically I put in a few key terms and hoped that they do some checkmark grading on that one.

So that's the rundown. Hopefully it went better this time!!

A BAD BAD DAY

Apparently it's not enough to have to go through one of the hardest endeavors someone could go through (the CA bar exam) and at the same time feel that you had much less support than you did the first time, but it's worse when you try to take a couple days to recover and the universe just poops all over you.

Let's begin at the beginning:

Weekend was ok, tried to tie up some lose ends and run errands that I've been neglecting. Sunday was spent with my family trying to work on the family magazine since it had to be put to press by Monday then going to a late dinner with my family for my sister's 17th b-day. This made me feel really old, I could have sworn I turned 17 yesterday! Then I had to drive home at 11 pm in the worst wind shaking my car. Whatever. I made it.

But the weekend sucked because I'm having some serious withdrawal problems from all the caffeine I had during the bar. I've been trying to stick to one large coffee now but during those three days I was having only a couple hours sleep, drinking a rockstar in the morning, taking two no doze for morning session, two more during afternoon session, two more in the evening with a rockstar to be able to study. So clearly I am having much less caffeine these days! This has resulted with severe sleepiness at all times, crankiness and blinding migraines. Whatever, I will get through.

Then today was a doozie. First I realized I gained 10 pounds in two weeks from the bar! Fabulous. Then me and the boyfriend got into a blowout fight. Wonderful. Then Obama didn't do well in the primaries. Spectactular.

THEN, my friend Cyrano walked out to go home to realize that both of our cars had been towed from behind my house! To make a long story short, the car was illegally towed, the guy called me a bitch, and the tow people had been smoking weed in the tow office. We paid for our cars, called LAPD and had a narcotics car sent out there and tomorrow we will file against them in small claims court. We have a win-win case so it's all good.

But I mean, it's been a shitty day. F-it. And now I have heartburn and another migraine. Man, what a bad week.

Breakup with the Bar

An open letter to the bar exam:

Dear Bar Exam:

Despite your persistent attempts at ruining my life, I am feeling calmer and more in control of our abusive one-sided relationship than I ever have. Don't get me wrong, you might still continue to torment me, and be the cause of both my financial ruin and public embarrassment. But what has changed is that you will no longer make me feel bad about myself.

You're completely worthless. There. I've said it and it's true. You aren't the slightest bit of an indicator of my worth or competence as an attorney. All you are is a test of memory and survival through sleep deprivation. It seems that you really want you and I to be involved forever. I'm sorry, it's just not going to work out. Please consider this my break-up letter. Yes, I will see you next week as promised. But hopefully I will never see you again. You see, you weren't good to me. I don't want to have anything further to do with you.

Also, I'm tired of you messing around with other people, treating them bad, making them mentally and physically ill. It's bad enough that you abuse me, but it's even worse considering the thousands of victims whose lives you've ruined. You underestimate the people you are dealing with. I see success as black and white. I don't believe in potential. You're either a success in life or you're not. The people you're messing with, well we are of the "successful" class of people in life. We've worked hard with determination and strength of character. We never let anything stand in our way nor did we allow any excuse to destroy our destiny. We wanted to be lawyers and here we are. It's not fair for you to shatter our dreams.

I wanted to tell you that I am proud of myself and all my colleagues for going through this, especially those who are repeating the test. No one will ever understand what it's like, but that's ok, we understand each other. Only we know what the pain of the sleepless nights and low self esteem and frustration and anger and brief glimpses of hope and endless tears and that complete sense of defeat feels like. But regardless of what happens, we are the educated elite of this nation. No matter how much the bar tries to knock us down, we still get to stand on the pedestal of higher education and be ahead of most of our peers. They can't take that away from us. And because we are the cream of the crop, we will always be ok, because that's just the kind of people we decided to be. We didn't allow our destiny to be made for us, we weren't born that way, we fought for it and decided that nothing was more important. We've earned our shining stars and we will always keep them.

So bar exam, this is a Dear John letter to you. I can't make any guarantees but I hope you and I never meet again.


Love, One less victim.


GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE IN CASE I DON'T HAVE A CHANCE TO POST ANYTHING TOMORROW. WE CAN DO IT!!!

Love it, love it, love it!

Damn, this song is the bomb! When did this come out? Apparently, sometime in the two months since I've last listened to the radio. Now this might just keep me going for the next hour!

Bar Prediction

Couple nights ago I had a dream that Civ Pro was on the essays w/a focus on discovery w/CA distinctions. The bad part is, in my dream, I had no idea what to write.

Now why should this mean anything to anyone? Well, my dreams have a tendency to come true (except the good ones, lol)

Example in point: Month ago I had a dream that one of my friends is pregnant and that her boyfriend left her as a result. I didn't mention the dream to my friend b/c she had complications in her last pregnancy and numerous doctors told her she couldn't have kids at all anymore.

Fast forward a few weeks, same friend emails me saying she's pregnant and boyfriend is gone!!!

All I'm saying is, better get on those discovery rules.....

You Know You're Studying for the Bar When:

You Know You're Studying for the Bar:

• When the answer to every question someone asks you sounds something like this:

• I can't...I'm studying for the bar
• I don't care....I'm studying for the bar
• Do it yourself....I'm studying for the bar
• Cry me a river....I'm studying for the bar
• You don't have it as tough as me....I'm studying for the bar
• Do this for me...I'm studying for the bar
• Sorry I punched you in the face...I'm studying for the bar
• When your average everyday grocery run consists of the following:
  
• Energy drinks (only 24oz and above)
  
• Coffee
• No Doze
• Vitamins
• Unisom
  
• Alcohol
  
• Junk Food
  
• Kleenex for your tears
• When you go to 7-11 to get coffee and energy drinks and use the double shot espresso additives to your truckers coffee and the man asks you how many days you plan to stay up and you blink in surprise and say "this is just for the next couple hours"
• When everyone you see, including the starbucks barrista, the mcdonalds drive thru dude and the pharmacist knows you are studying for the bar
• When people who don't know keep asking you if you're sick cuz you look pale
  
• When you have to buy more clothes b/c you don't have time to do laundry
• When you hate listening to other people's supposed problems while meanwhile you're thinking "Try studying for the bar!"
• When you are so excited when you need to pee because it's a nice break
  
• When you run out of sweatpants that will accommodate your increasing pant size
• When your friends put you on suicide watch
• When you keep wondering if you should have gone to medical school or in the alternative, become a go-go dancer
• When you no longer know the date or day of the week or the time and you couldn't care less
• When you have more zits than when you were 13
• When you use the words "disaster", "tragedy", "impossible" and "suicide" more often than any other time in your life, lol
• When you get mad when people tell you it will be alright b/c they don't realize that the damage to your spirit has already been irreversibly done
• When your 2 eyebrows have joined as one
• When you play the "what would you do for an automatic pass?" game with your friends and realize more of you are willing to eat large quantities of cockroach covered poop than you realized

That's my list! Feel free to add on!

Giggling like a school girl

A Little Bar Exam humor.....

Because even bar exam studiers deserve a smile or two....

Buddhism and Temple Time

One of his students asked Buddha, "Are you the messiah?"
"No", answered Buddha.
"Then are you a healer?"
"No", Buddha replied.
"Then are you a teacher?" the student persisted.
"No, I am not a teacher."
"Then what are you?" asked the student, exasperated.
"I am awake", Buddha replied.


A couple weeks ago I finally had a chance to visit Hsi Lai Temple in Hacienda Heights. I hadn't gone there in years and since it was the day before the Chinese new year, the entire temple was decorated even more than usual and everyone was even more gracious and inviting than ever.

Buddhist temples are one of the few spiritual places I can stand to be in without thinking about the destruction religion has brought to the world since the core of Buddhism is non-violence unlike all other religions. All other religions teach, advocate and practice violence in the name of faith with Christians leading the pack with more killing than all other religions combined. Anyways, that's a history lesson for another day.

The point is, being in a Buddhist temple allows you to connect with the things really worth worshiping: The Earth and Humankind. Instead of advocating a belief in a higher being, Buddhism advocates believing in yourself and teaches that heaven is being at peace with yourself not a place in the clouds with pearly gates and bouncers that are very strict about who they let in. For people like me, who have trouble believing in hocus pocus, eastern philosophies (not just Buddhism), allow me to find peace in something I can see and admire what I truly respect, logic and reason. The quote at the top of the page really sums up what I admire about Buddhism: That "Buddha" is an example to follow not a being to fear and that there are no threats of hell, only peace, tranquility and an eye for truth rather than fables.

What I like best is that you don't pray and hope that God answers and provides. That leaves you in such a vulnerable state, kind of like you're begging for help. What I like about Buddhism is learning that if you meditate and visualize success, believe in your own strength and if you have brought good to the world, it will come to you. It's much more proactive and much less of an inferiority/superiority set-up. There is no begging, just self esteem and strength.

I went a bought a Happy Buddha for good luck on the bar. Let's see if it works. My mom asked me what would happen if I passed the bar because of all the prayers of different religions that my loved ones are saying for me, which one would I choose? I told her I wouldn't choose any religion but if one of the "holy beings" in question wants to guide my hand thru the exam, they can feel free to take over my computer and type their name and religious affiliation at the top of my essay page and I might take it into consideration. My mom was not so amused, lol. Oh well, I can't help being me.

So without further adieu, the pictures from the temple trip!






Beautiful huh? Everyone should definitely go!

http://www.hsilai.org/

Beyond all that, bar exam studying is, well, going I guess. 7 more days and counting.....

Songs for the bar exam

A few songs to listen to for both inspiration and empathy during the horrible process of taking the bar (and/or whatever your difficult endless journey is!)


N'Together Now - Limp Bizkit
Out of My Mind - James Blunt
Break my Stride - Blue Lagoon
Relax, Take it Easy - Mika
The Rain Don't Last - Hope
Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Tears for Fears
Notorious Thugs - Bone Thugs + Biggie ("Test me now, contend, never no surrender, no pretend")
Breakdown - Mariah Carey ( "In reality I'm slowly losing my mind underneath the guise of a smile")
Addicted - Kelly Clarkson (It's like you're a leech, sucking the life from me")
Callin You - Outlandish (" I will not be false in who I am , As long as I breathe")
What a wonderful world - Louis Armstrong
Go Getta - Young Jeezy (" You Damn Right Ima Go Getta")
It's My Life - Bon Jovi ("It's my life, it's now or never")
I will Survive - Gloria Gaynor (self explanatory)
I shot the Sheriff - Bob Marley (For criminal law review lol)
Dancing With Myself - Nouvelle Vague (since I often dance in my apt during studying)
Long Day is Over - Norah Jones
Fly Me To the Moon - Frank Sinatra (they don't have the bar on the moon!)
Stronger - Kanye West (That that don't kill me, can only make me stronger)
All or Nothing - Cher (Don't wanna run and I can't walk out)
Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie
Thugz Mansion - 2pac (So much pressure in this life of mine, I cry at times)
Scream - Timbaland
Till I Collapse - Eminem ( "I'ma rip this shit till my bones collapse")
Let them Thangs Go - 2pac
Through the Wire - Kanye West ("Through the fire, to the limit, to the wall")
Zombie - Cranberries

YES WE CAN!

Happy Happy Joy Joy

This post in particular is for my friend Chuki, who said that my blog was so depressing, she had to call me and make sure I was still alive and kickin, lol. Thanks Chooks for reminding me of my silver linings and for being concerned!

So, with that said, I decided to list a few little seemingly inconsequential things that make me happy, in no particular order, just so I can remind myself these days:


-My coffee being ready before I get out of bed (or at least a cold Diet Rockstar in the fridge)
-Laughing out loud with friends
-Having a full water bottle in every room of the house (I drink a lot of water)
-Soup on cold days
-My bed being made (which never happens!)
-Blogging :)
-Shopping (for anything)
-Hookah (especially with good friends)
-Scrapbooking
-Watching the new kitten chase things in her dreams
-Waking up, looking at the clock, and realizing I still have an hour before my alarm
-Perezhilton.com
-Unexpected kisses
-My ipod always being charged and ready to go
-My dining table being cleared off
-Playing computer games
-Dissing on Republicans and how they live off of a world of lies that people buy into
-Winning arguments
-Remembering to take my vitamins
-Dance Dance Revolution!
-Watching msnbc all day
-Soap Operas!
-Finding that song that says exactly how you're feeling right then!

Oh and speaking of happy thoughts, I lost 11 pounds in the last two weeks! Bar exam stress is apparently good for something....lol

Damn, that was unexpected

Kind of had a weird moment tonight. A little past midnight I tried to fight off the sleep by taking a no-doze, turning on the ipod and dancing around the apt until my eyes were open. I was all good until I heard Limp Bizkit/Method Man song "N Together Now". I was stoked to hear because it has particular meaning for me. The song takes me back to when I had just turned 16 and was participating in a national moot court competition. The first day that our team had to go to the courthouse and put on the trial in front of a real life judge in a real life courtroom, I was driving to the Santa Ana Courthouse with my mom and my BFF Chuki listening to that song on repeat for the whole drive for motivation and adrenaline. (Much to the dismay of my mom since it was the first time she had been in the car with me when I was on the freeway) Anyways, I was happily listening to the song tonight until all of a sudden the tears started flowing. I'm talking about the cry your eyes out, sink to the floor, sob out loud kind of cry.

I just started to think about the excitement and hope that I had going in to that competition. I realized then, as I had walked into the courtroom, wearing a suit and holding my opening statement that court was where I belonged. It suited me perfectly. It was my nirvana.

Little did I know that most lawyers spend their career chained to a desk and never step foot inside of a courtroom. To me, that's just not law. It's not what I went to law school to do. Somewhere along the line, I need to make an impact in the world, and being behind a desk all day just isn't going to cut it for me. The tears came tonight as a mix of still wanting the dream so bad and at the same time being so disillusioned with it. But at least now, I know that every time I hear that song, and those lyrics, I will be taken back to the moment where I realized my destiny.

N'Together Now:

"I'm pluggin' in them social skills
That keep my total bills over a million
The last time I checked it
Thank God I'm blessed with a mind that'll wreck it
Wait until the second round and knock em' out.....

Whats that, I didn't hear you (Shut the fuck up)
Come on, a little louder (Shut the fuck up)
Everybody in together now (Shut the fuck up)
What huh (Shut the fuck up)
Oh (Shut the fuck up)....

Headstrong, dead calm, get it right on
Dead weight to dead wrong, let's get it on
Twelve rounds I throw down, who hold crown....

Lifestyles of the prolific and gifted
8 essential vitamins and minerals delicious
Word on the street is, they bit my thesis
Knocked out they front teefers, tryin to taste mine
Actin like they heard it through the grapevine....

You gettin' one shot (Ha)
Until you dissolve
I revolve
Around everything you got
From outta nowhere
Prepare
You be blinded by the glare
I told you not to stare
Now you're turned into stone
Without a microphone
But don't you forget you're in a zone (So shut the fuck up)
And take that shit back
Cause all your shits wack (Doo doo is doo doo)
When its weighed out like that
Burnin' up your brain like a piston
So all those that didn't listen
Now they even knew what they were missin'
And never even knew that the sky was fallin' down"

Untouchable Face

A song very near and dear to me lately, for reasons generally clear to those who know me well.

Ani Difranco- Untouchable Face

Think Im going for a walk now
I feel a little unsteady
I dont want nobody to follow me
cept maybe you
I could make you happy you know
If you werent already
I could do a lot of things
And I do

Tell you the truth I prefer
The worst of you
Too bad you had to have a better half
Shes not really my type
But I think you two are forever
And I hate to say it but
Youre perfect together

So fuck you
And your untouchable face
And fuck you
For existing in the first place
And who am i
That I should be vying for your touch
And who am i
I bet you cant even tell me that much

Two-thirty in the morning
And my gas tank will be empty soon
Neon sign on the horizon
Rubbing elbows with the moon
A safe haven of sleepless
Where the deep fryers always on
Radio is counting down
The top 20 country songs
And out on the porch the fly strip is
Waving like a flag in the wind
Yknow, I dont look forward
To seeing you again soon
You'll look like a photograph of yourself
Taken from far far away
And I wont know what to do
And I wont know what to say

Except fuck you...

I see you and Im so perplexed
What was I thinking
What will I think of next
Where can I hide
In the back room theres a lamp
That hangs over the pool table
And when the fan is on it swings
Gently side to side
Theres a changing constellation
Of balls as we are playing
I see orion and say nothing
The only thing I can think of saying

Is fuck you...

Bar Exam and Surface Waters: World's Common Enemies....

Before I go on to blogging, can I just point out how much that girl in the top right of the picture above looks like me!?! I mean, even down to the nose and hair color and well, cleavage. Strange. Also notice that the girl has a completely blank look on her face. This is almost concrete evidence that the girl is indeed me during the bar.

Secondly, I wouldn't want to disappoint and forget to post the LAW KNOWLEDGE OF THE DAY....so here it is:

"SURFACE WATERS":Those which come from rain, springs, or melting snow, and which have not yet reached a natural watercourse or basin. Surface waters are subject to the Common Enemy Rule which means that because surface water is a nemesis a landowner may change drainage or make any other changes/improvements on his land to combat the flow of surface water. Many courts have modified the common enemy rule to prohibit unnecessary harm to others’ land.

Of all the horrible things that go on in the world, who knew that the common nemesis to all of humanity was surface water. Not hunger or poverty or disease, but that damn pesky water that starts to accumulate after a little rain.

My common nemesis is the CA bar exam, by far. Definitely more destructive than surface water.
I can't believe that it is getting down to the wire and I still have so much to do! It seems like there is less time to study or time passes by quicker but I feel like the more I try to be productive, the less and less I get done.

Can I just point out a little pet peeve? It would be nice if the writers of the MBE questions at the most useless bar review monopoly on earth would make sure that if they are using a law to justify an answer, that law needs to be mentioned at some point by them so that the students don't see it for the first time when checking their answers in the back of the book.

Starting tomorrow I am going to wake up way earlier and stay up way later and cram this stuff in before time runs out! Maybe I will take a couple tutoring sessions as well. I think I realize what my problems were the first time. They were the following:

1) I actually believed Barbri's predictions and tips --> big mistake
2) I believed Barbri when they said you shouldn't bring up irrelevant issues on the essays. Clearly not true as the bar examiners expect you to bring up irrelevant issues and then dismiss them.
3) I did too much memorization and not enough comprehension
4) I believed that they actually read your essays
5)I panicked.
6) I was under the false assumption that the Reasonably Prudent Person is both reasonable and prudent --> BIGGEST MISTAKE! The reasonably prudent person on the bar is 40 years old, miserable, never had a date in his life, and has too much time on his hands to do all these "reasonable" things that normal people wouldn't do and he "foresees" things that are way too far in the future and way too much of a stretch too be foreseeable.

So let's see if I can do things differently this time.

My goal for this evening is to see if I can conquer Real Property and Evidence. Evidence was a huge reason for why I didn't pass. I didn't do too well in Evidence in law school either. It's just not my thing I guess.

Oh and for torts, I just ask myself what I would do in the situation and then choose the opposite answer for the reasonably prudent person.

I saw the following video the other day and the first couple of times I saw it, it made me laugh. After a few times though, I starting to get teary, the video is so insanely true that it's heartbreaking. To know that you walked into something young, fresh and hopeful and walked out of it older, bitter and apathetic. ::sigh::. The guy who made the video must be a genius though.

TT

Funny huh? That part of being a shadow of your former self hits the nail on the head.

Well a bottle of No Doze and cans of Diet Rockstars are calling my name!

I leave you with this picture I found online, it made me smile, which is rare these days!!

This last week I've been a little emotional. Not for any particular reason, but I guess I'm just stressed and a little vulnerable. I've been getting teary at everything for no apparent reason.

It's hard to be broke and watch your credit that you spent so many years building up crashing around you and trying to figure out exactly how to make ends meet without having to borrow anymore money from anybody.

It's hard to think about the fact that your immediate future and perhaps even your longterm future is resting on a 3 day exam. It's not like anything else. It's pure hell and there is nothing triumphant or joyous about it. I don't think people who haven't been through it understand it, even people who are in other levels of higher education. I had a professor in college who was a JD/MD and said that by far the bar exam (and law school) were much harder than med school and all that came with it.

It's hard when no one understands the exhaustion and frustration. It's a unique pain that's all your own and even when thousands of other people go through it a year, everyone goes through it in an individual and painful way.

::Sigh:: I guess it's just hard to go through and time is ticking way too fast and I am SO not ready. The days keep going faster and faster and the learning gets harder and harder. It's not the struggle that makes it hard, we all work hard for things and fail or win, it's the pressure of knowing your economic livelihood depends on it, not to mention your reputation and self-esteem.

And the notion that I can do it and it will be over soon does not give me solace. And people telling me it will be ok does not give me any comfort.

Speaking of failure, check this out:



And if anyone knows anyone who has a copy of the documentary or can find a copy of "A lawyer walks into a bar", please let me know! Here was all I found online:

Here Kitty Kitty

LAW KNOWLEDGE OF THE DAY:

Remainder: A future interest created in a grantee that is capable of becoming possessory upon the expiration of a prior possessory estate created in the same conveyance in which the remainder is created.


So this week was actually exciting, I got a new kitty!!


Her name is Pashmak (Farsi for Cotton Candy). She is super precious and tiny. But she is also very nervous and shy. It's been quite an adventure trying to get her used to her surroundings and so far she has only been in the guest bedroom. She wasn't really eating for the first 48 hours and didn't seem to like the food I bought her so back to the pet store it was and of course her being my cat, she didn't eat any of the different types of food except for the most expensive in the pet store.

She gave me quite a scare the first day because she found a small hole underneath the drawers that are attached to the apartment wall and crawled up into the hole. So basically she was between the wall paneling and the drawers which made her completely out of my reach. I started panicking and finally Payam was able to coax her out with some of her treats. We put some heavy law books in front of the hole until we can patch it (I knew those books would be good for something someday).

But today she has been more friendly and since last night she has been trying to nap underneath my chin while I am studying.
Also, she is jealous of my laptop and tries to make me move it as soon as I put it on my lap. Here she is renaming my documents and some more random pix!






So that was my week so far. Weight loss is going well, lost 7 pounds since Friday (although I bet half was water weight since I just started re-dieting).

Tomorrow I think I will go to the Hsai Lai Buddhist Temple for some peace. My parents used to take me there a lot as a child and I always loved it. There is a lot of self-imposed ignorance in this world and sometimes when I realize that people around me have it, it's quite disturbing. I need to go to the temple and find some peace. My world view has been quite startling lately, but more on that in another post.

Dancing Away The Blues

LAW KNOWLEDGE OF THE DAY: Exculpatory knowledge in a consensual agreement between the parties that is intended to insulate one of the parties from liability resulting from his own negligence is closely scrutinized but generally enforceable as long as it is not an adhesion contract situation.

Please. Save. Me. From. This. Hell.

lol

ok, so I know that every student thinks that what they are doing is really hard and all that but seriously the CA bar exam is another thing all together. I've come to the conclusion that the bar exam is not about how much law you know but rather a Darwinistic experiment of survival of the fittest. I'm a big Darwin fan and all but I'd rather not be at the butt end of his theory.

This exam is meant to break you. You learn nothing. You memorize a bunch of stuff, that you will most likely never use or need to know from memory in your law career, then you forget it the second you walk out of the examination room (i know this is true because I remember absolutely nothing from the first time around)

It's just so frustrating when you are studying from books that contradict themselves in the law, mess up the names of the parties in the sample essays and hire lecturers who either leave out or screw up the applicable law. This test is hard enough without incompetence from this bar review company whose name I won't mention f-ing things up, (you know who they are)

However, not everything is murky these days. I appreciate everyone who has been calling to check up on me or visiting me in these really horrible days. I absolutely won't be visiting OC until after the bar, so I can use more of my time to study and not get distracted. So visits and love are appreciated as are bags of coffee and highlighters, lol.

Payam has been great in taking good care of me. I was complaining about not being able to get any physical activity in or having any fun during my 10 minute breaks so he went and bought me Dance Dance Revolution (Which I love). It's great b/c I don't feel as guilty about not making it to the gym. And if I can fit in 5 10minute dances, I'm good to go for my workout. Plus it has a workout mode that gives you faster dances and tracks your calories! It's awesome!

Now if I could just keep my house clean, my life would be way better. P.S. My x-mas tree is still in the apt, lol.

New Year, New Bar Exam

LAW KNOWLEDGE OF THE DAY: (so you can see how horrible the bar exam is)
"An action by the assignee against the assignor may also lie where the obligor successfully asserts a defense against the assignor in an action brought by the assignee against the obligor to enforce the obligation."


HAPPY 2008!!!

Not to sound negative, but really, this new year didn't really start out with a bang. For one, I've been sick with the flu so as the midnight hour struck, my fever spiked and so did my sniffling and sneezing. Fabulous.

To add insult to injury, the new year started with me having put on a few pounds over the holidays which really made me mad at myself since I worked my ass off to lose 17 pounds. Additionally, the new year started with me re-registering for the bar (wonderful use of 800 bucks) and getting my stuff together to study.

I bought an external hard drive which claims to be "one touch" and very user friendly which only means that I absolutely could not get it to work properly. Great.

It's so hard to get back into studying. A part of me really put the academic part of my life to rest and I thought I was done with it. It's really weird, after 4 months of sitting on my behind, watching tv, and playing computer games, to get out the highlighters and get to work.

The good news is, I've turned the other bedroom into a makeshift study room which I highly recommend for any bar examinees who have the extra space. I am not disciplined enough to not turn on the tv, so if I can study in a room with no tv, it's great. Also, I wish I could find a way to not be able to get wireless access in the extra bedroom, it's just so tempting to close down my Evidence notes and go to perezhilton.com instead. You would think that after all these years of higher education, I would have the slightest bit of discipline. But no. Not a shred. Zilch.

Thankfully, I have my friend Cyrano to study with, he likes to study under the same conditions as I do (i.e. we both hate to study in silence) so it makes things better.

But already I feel burned out. Way more than the first time around. Maybe I'm just out of practice.

Or maybe I should go to med school......