MISS YOU....

"Miss You"

I cannot be where the weather is fair
With you on the ground - me in the air
Where whistling engines drink up restless hearts
I can still taste the last call - I still feel the bar
The plotting of managers in fast open cars
Racing the agents - chasing the ancients
To the corner stores - to pick out our potions
I, like the others, believe we were born
To bleed at the borders to sleep with the storm
I must confess I have laid down
Where stronger men dared not go

But I miss you - I miss you
There is nothing I can take
There is nothing I can do
To keep from running away

I know of what I've lost
On this quiet night
I still felt your grasp upon me
As I boarded the flight
And I watched you there in the window
I wondered how long you'd stay
Waving your arms at the jumbo
As it tore us both away
I wish I could just turn myself around
Follow my heart back to you on the ground
But I know just for tonight
Is harder to hear than goodbye

But I miss you - I miss you
There is nothing I can take
There is nothing I can do
To keep from running away
At any cost
To keep from turning around
Just to see what I've lost

TRUE JOY!

OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA!!!!

I know this is a little late since the election was weeks ago, but besides some of my own life drama, I've been walking around in a daze, afraid that the news is too good to be true, that I must be dreaming and that anytime now I am going to wake up.

To have someone who is so brilliant, so idealistic, so historical, so amazing, I could go on and on...

I've been an Obama fan from day one. Day One. I loved his speech four years ago at the Democratic convention and I have fought against anyone who would even dare to say that he is anything less than brilliant since. He just might be the best thing that has happened to this country in our generation. Maybe in many generations.

To think that people voted against it, even though his policies are better for their own life than McCain's, is as smart as people drinking poison for fun.

For once in my life, I am having a really hard time putting into words exactly how I feel. The tremendous joy that most of my friends and I feel is beyond euphoric. There are really no words that can truly capture it.

I got a chance to work as an Election Protection Attorney for the campaign for a few days and it was an amazing experience. Smart, inspirational people from all walks of life. I wouldn't trade that experience for anything.

I must say, despite Obama's message of unity, the last few months have given me more animosity towards Republicans than before. Before I just thought they were incorrect in their beliefs. Now I'm starting to think they are sadistic and frankly just not that smart. The fact that we almost had Palin as a vice president, a woman who didn't know Africa is a continent brings a chill to my spine. How close we were to having the Old War Hawk/Young Dingbat ticket running the country and consequently most international affairs makes me angry at people who voted for them like you would be angry at a truck driver on their cell phone who came very close to side swiping you and killing you and your family in your little car.

We dodged a bullet folks. And not only that, but were blessed with someone who actually has a brilliantly high level of intelligence. What a change from the last 8 years. It almost makes me believe there is a God. Almost.

I am going to keep this blog relatively tame b/c my wisdom teeth hurt and I need some sleep, lol. But you get the gist of it. I know this blog post wasn't very eloquent but its hard for me to get eloquent without truly saying how I feel, but I also don't want to get the constant complaints that people are offended.

I'm very angry at people who voted to almost ruin the world. For anyone who is offended, I'm offended by your vote. hehe

FIST BUMP PLEASE!

After a While

THIS POEM ALWAYS HELPED ME IN TIMES WHERE LIFE WAS A LITTLE TOO TOUGH, A LITTLE TOO "REAL", A LITTLE TOO UNACCEPTABLE! I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY!

After A While
©1971 Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of [wo]man,
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

"Before I was not much unsatisfied, but since a god has touched me and departed, I run through every temple broken hearted" - Mary Webb

To J.G on News of His Marriage - By Ephelia

My Love? alas! I must not call you Mine,
But to your envy'd Bride that Name resign:
I must forget your lovely melting Charms,
And be fore ever Banisht from your Arms:
For ever? oh! the Horrow of that Sound!
It gives my bleeding Heart a deadly wound:
While I might hope, although my Hope was vain,
It gave some Ease to my unpitty' Pain,
But now your Hymen doth all Hope exclude,
And but to think is Sin; yet you intrude
On every Thought; if I but close my Eyes,
Methinks your pleasing Form besides me lies;
With every Sigh I gently breath your Name,
Yet no ill Thoughts pollute my hallow'd Flame;
'Tis pure and harmless, as a Lambent Fire,
And ever mingled with a warm Desire:
All I have now to ask Bounteous Heaven,
Is, that your Perjuries may be forgiven:
That she who you have with your Nuptials blest,
As She's the Happiest Wife, may prove the Best:
That all our Joys may light on you alone,
Then I can be contented to have none:
And never wish that you shou'd kinder be,
Than now and then, to cast a Thought on Me:
And, Madam, though the Conquest you have won,
Over my Strephon, has my hopes undone;
I'le daily beg of Heaven, he may be
Kinder to You, than he has been to Me.

LAST MINUTE BAR EXAM TIPS

I know this is a little late, but better late than never. For those who are taking the bar for the first or millionth time this summer, here are some last minute things I did the second time that made a difference for me!!! **Disclaimer: This is what worked for me, take tips at your own risk!

1) Study in your best environment.

Not everybody studies the same way. For example, I'm a late sleeper. I like to wake up late and study till the wee hours of the morning. Trying to study early in the morning the first time just didn't work for me. Also, if you're a quiet studier, don't let yourself get dragged to a coffee shop. Or if you hate libraries like I do, don't give in and go to one.

2) Take your vitamins

Let's face it, you're going to eat bad and you're not going to go to the gym. This is particularly true towards the end of the process. The gym can wait, get your vitamins instead!! I recommend "StressTabs" in your vitamin aisle!!!

3) Don't write out full essays (and don't use Barbri's at all)- Especially this late in the game

Barbri's essays are awful. Their answer outlines are even worse. Do yourself a favor, go to the CA bar website and read old essays . Then issue spot and outline them and compare them to the bar's sample answers. Unless you barely made it to a barely accredited law school, you should know how to write complete sentences. You don't need to waste time practicing that. Outline instead!!!!

Also, get an account at Baressays.com. It's not too late for this! It gives you real essays that failed and you can compare them and see what is required to get a certain grade!

4) Get a hotel room (even if the exam location is close)

You would think that you might be more comfy at home but there is something to be said for being in an all "Bar Exam Zone" where everyone in the entire hotel is feeling the same emotions and giving everybody else the same considerations.

5) Stop answering your phone a week in advance

Everybody else's drama can wait a week, not to sound horrible, but unless someone died it really can't be as important as the bar exam!

6) Go swimming at the hotel pool right after the exam

This may sound silly, but it just washes away the day's exhaustion and leaves your prepared to study some more. And if you took the bar in the 113 degree weather of Ontario, CA, you will realize how important this is. It kind of just washes away the day.

7) Forget flashcards

This was a monumental waste of time the first time.

8) Constantly shorten your outlines!

For the exam, take your short outlines and your conviser to the hotel for studying. You don't need any other Bar Bri book!!!!

9) Don't use earplugs during the bar if you didn't use them in law school

They never worked for me, the bar was not the time to give them a second chance.

10) Don't rehash the day's mistakes.

It's over. Done. Final. So forget about it and use the time to study for the next day.

11) Set up a time limit for how late you are going to study and then put the notes down. I'm not a big advocate of a ton of sleep in general, but even if you're not sleeping, you could be watching tv or relaxing

12) Eat a smart breakfast. No bacon and eggs. Nothing greasy or heavy. Good suggestions are a protein bar and banana or a PB&J sandwich.

13) Up the caffeine factor a little more than your usual intake. Yes, you will need it. Even if you're jittery, jittery is better than asleep

14) Study a little in the morning before the exam. Don't believe the idea that last minute cramming doesn't help. There were several things on the exam that I had only learned a couple minutes before it.

15) Know with confidence that if the kid next to you says after the exam that it was easy, he probably failed.

16) Do not assume that just because a subject appeared on the first day of essays, it won't be on the other day of essays. Don't rule anything out!!

Overall, you have to remember that you have been a student for a really long time and that you generally know what works for you. Now is not the time to adapt other people's study habits, etc. It is time for you to do what you've always done which got you to law school. The bar exam is so different from law school exams that you almost have to take yourself back to the student you were before law school, when you still had an intact spirit and some hope and attack this exam. The first time I took it, I saw it as an opponent I was playing defense against and any good competitor knows that a defensive game is a losing one. The second time I really did take a different view on the exam and wrote offensively. I wrote every argument that came to mind, I didn't stop to doubt myself. I kept hydrated and caffeinated and came through with a passing grade!!

GOOD LUCK!

TRAGEDY AND TRIUMPH

History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats. - B.C Forbes

TRAGEDY

My grandmother (on my mother's side) passed away last week. She wasn't ill or anything, just had reached the end of her long life. Regardless, it was an immense blow to me. I keep thinking about how she was the most beautiful and honest person I have ever had the privilege of knowing. She was just about the purest person you could ever know and she will be missed more than I can ever say. I'm honored to be her granddaughter and if I can live my life being even 1% as honorable as she was, I can be happy in that.

The thing that I think hurts the most about the death of someone close to you is the knowledge that it will never be the same again. And although the pain of mourning may slip to the back of your mind as time goes on, the pain is just as fresh every time you do think of it, and it will always be that fresh.

But life does go on, as it must go on, and growing up means adopting the grace of a woman when dealing with tragedy. So with that, I will make the most awkward of transitions and move on to triumphs.

TRIUMPHS:

Admittedly, there is no easy to move from death to the bar, but oh well. Last week I was officially sworn in as a member of the California Bar. It was a bit anti-climactic since I was dealing with a death and also because I have no job. But yet, there I was, at the end of this long journey towards my dream. It's a sweet feeling, having reached your dream. Very few get to experience that feeling in life. So many people are constantly spinning their wheels and changing their dreams, just because one becomes too hard or improbable.

Sadly, passing the bar is not just about hard work, but a lot about luck. A lot of it depends on whether you were lucky to get a good reader. So to all those who are taking the CA bar again this summer, I commend you for the perseverance to continue following your dream and also lots of luck to get a good reader. It's not an easy feat, but I'm sure it pays off in the end (I'm still waiting for my payoff, lol)

OH HAPPY DAY!!

I PASSED THE CALIFORNIA BAR!!!


More details and reaction, etc, later. For now, the best sleep of my life!

Congrats to everyone who passed!!

OH THE ANXIETY....

We experience moments absolutely free from worry. These brief respites are called panic.

Cullen Hightower

There is only one thing worse than the 3 days of the bar exam: The week before the results. I've been a mess, way worse than last time. First of all, my tear ducts are out of control. I am sensitive and moody, angry and bored, anxious and excited and absolutely terrified. I feel like I must have passed, I'm just not the failing type. But then again that's what I thought last time. A lot of people keep saying, "no worries, so you'll take it again". These are times I want to punch my most precious loved ones straight in the face. Clearly they have no idea what taking it again means.

I think most of my anxiety comes from not having an action plan this time. I don't have a plan on whether I want to take it again and I certainly don't have a plan for picking myself off the floor and dusting myself off if the worst happens.

I hope I passed. I mean, I've never really wanted anything more. For me, education is so important. I hate to say it, but it's how I measure my worth and how I measure everyone else's as well. Bad habit I know, but I mean, when I die, the thing that I know for sure, is that I earned a J.D., that I made people proud, that I reached my dream.

But this stupid exam is such an obstacle and it's bad for your sanity. All I do is cry and yell and mope and worry and eat and have migraines , etc, (you get the picture).

Tomorrow I am going to the Buddhist temple again to find some inner peace and visualize success.

A thank you to the friends that have been constantly checking in on me (you know who you are), I appreciate the daily kind words and support more than I can say.

To everybody that is awaiting results, I wish you the most heartfelt luck that I have ever wished anyone.

TO LIVE AND DIE IN LA....

Well, more like, to live and walk in LA. Let me start this post with a disclaimer: I don't go on walks and certainly never ever go running. This is why my recent walk was very exciting for me.

I've been working out a lot lately (well, a lot for me). Practically ever day. But try as I might, I will never be one of those people who enjoys the gym. It's just not me. Maybe it was all of those years as a student where I channeled any extra energy I had into more and more school. It doesn't help me relax, I don't feel more energetic afterwards (in fact, I usually feel like puking), and I certainly have no fun. So I've decided to switch it up a bit instead of dragging myself to the gym all the time and then getting bored and quit. Since it's been nice weather, one day a couple days ago I decided to walk to the bookstore, do some reading (hey, i'm broke), and walk back.

Bookstore is super close to me, only about 2.6 miles roundtrip but walking in LA turned out to be harder than it sounds. First of all, after 4 years of living in the same apartment I only just realized that the street by my house that leads to the bookstore doesn't have sidewalks or street lamps for the first .6 miles. On my way to the bookstore I somehow managed to cut through peoples' driveways and lawns in order to not get hit by traffic. After I got to sidewalk areas, I realized a few things. First, the smell from the donut store is stronger when you walk past it. Second, nasty men will continue to honk at you and try to hit on you as if you are going to realize he is prince charming and run with open arms towards his car. Third, walking in LA might actually be harmful to your health due to the pollution.

Anyways, I was almost to the bookstore when I started regretting my decision. My feet hurt, the weather was getting cold, and my caffeine level was getting low. But a couple minutes later, I saw the promise land: The Mall (which is next to the bookstore). So a couple hours and some dull details later, I decided to head back. Fast forward a couple minutes, the weather becomes unbearably cold, the sky dangerously dark, and the traffic even heavier. Ugh, why did I do this?

But I trekked through, even stopped at trader joes on my way and walked home with a ton of groceries. Going through the no sidewalk, no light zone was an adventure. There was no light at all except for the car headlights that drove through (thank goodness for LA traffic), and I spent the time balancing on the curb and trekking through gravel paths in the dark, with the groceries, and made it without falling on my face.

Now I'm sure none of this is extremely excited for anyone. But for me it was a small victory because I'm just not the type to do it.

One thing I realized is, I love Los Angeles. Growing up in Orange County, I appreciate the fact that there is just something great about the fact that LA doesn't have that air of boredom that OC has. There is always something going on. I love certain things about this city. For example, the fact that everyone will give you dirty looks if you are one of those people who doesn't bring their own reusable grocery bags to the store. (on a side note, seriously people, get reusable bags, stop being a tool).

Anyways, 2.6 miles and a bunch of organic goodies later, I was a happy camper.

Fast forward 2 days, my shins are killing me!! Basically I've owned the same sneakers forever. I hate them, hate hate hate. They are SO UGLY!

But I needed new ones so I went to Foot Locker and bought the following:

They are tolerable I guess, but I still despise the concept of sneakers. They are listed in my book under things you should never wear in public unless some physical reason for it, along with Birkenstocks and those hideous Crocs!!

Just as I brought the shoes home, upset that I had paid so much for something so yucky, I saw the following ad on MTV: (listen in IE, if sound doesn't work).

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

Well , at least I'm not the only one. Lol. Public service announcement: don't wear your sneakers out, they are for working out. It's just as ridiculous to wear stilettos to the gym as it is to wear gym shoes out. Ok, done venting.

Kate Voegele - Wish You Were

Gone away are the golden days
Just a page in my diary
So here I am a utopian citizen
I'm still convinced
There's no such thing as idealism

Memories they're following me like a shadow now
And I'm dreamin'
Cause I've already suffered the fever of disbelief

I've seen your act
And I know all the facts
I'm still in love with who I wish you were

It ain't hard to see
Who you are underneath
I'm still in love with who I wish you were
And I wish you were here

I was true as the sky is blue
I couldn't soon say the same for you
So now I find denial in my eyes
I'm mesmerized by the picture that's in my mind

Tell me when I'll finally see your shallow heart
For what it is
'Cause I don't want to keep on believin' in illusions

No no no

Cause I've seen your act
And I know all the facts
I'm still in love with who I wish you were

It ain't hard to see
Who you are underneath
I'm still in love with who I wish you were
I wish you were here

Sometimes I can't explain
And I'm so sorry that I can't
I'll try to concentrate
On your true identity

Cause I've seen your act
And I know all the facts
I'm still in love with who I wish you were

It ain't hard to see
Who you are underneath
I'm still in love with who I wish you were

I've seen your act
And I know all the facts
I'm still in love with who I wish you were

It ain't hard to see
Who you are underneath
I'm still in love with who I wish you were

I wish you were here... Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
I wish you were here... Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
I wish you were here...
I wish you were here...
I wish you were here...

SAN DIEGO

Last Sunday Payam and I decided to go to San Diego. Originally, we had planned to spend the whole weekend there at a beachfront resort and go to Sea World on Sunday. But as the weekend approached, our plans were quickly ruined as the impending rain made getting a hotel a waste of money and other bills made Sea World a bad choice. But we headed down to see what San Diego offered for a days entertainment.

Now, I've been to San Diego a million times. Never really liked anything there except Old Town. But since I'm an old fart now, I figured maybe it would amuse me. Not so. If my friend Chuki who lives near San Diego hadn't joined us, I think we would have been bored early in the day and headed home. But having her there made it fun and we found some things to entertain us.

First place we went was the Carlsbad Flower Fields, which if you've never been, you've missed out. For those of us who live in Los Angeles and barely see anything besides smog and cars, this larger than life flower field is quite amazing and refreshing.

The picture above really doesn't do it justice, it is so much larger than I captured in the picture. Anyways for $8 you can come in and enjoy the flowers as well as the carnival food and the playground (if you have kids). At the end of the field you can sneak in and take some pics amongst the flowers:


The flower fields also serve as organic strawberry fields and outside you can get a fresh strawberry shortcake!!
Afterwards we headed to Old Town, where I forgot to take any pictures and had large margaritas and listened to some live music.

Overall it was a fun day and nice to get out of Los Angeles and see some natural beauty.

WILL I EVER GET THE HANG OF THIS?

Now that I've entered the Post - Bar waiting world, I am trying to catch up on things that I've let slide for about, well, 4 years since I started law school. Since it is spring, I've been trying to do some serious spring cleaning. I must admit, I can be a messy person. I'm not dirty, in fact, I'm very clean. But I am HORRIBLE at putting things back where they belong, especially if I am tired or stressed, which explains how my apartment got to this condition during the hell of law school.

At the same time, I've been reading about Feng Shui and how to decorate your home accordingly (more on that in a later post). So my first step in Feng Shui was to declutter my home by throwing away anything I didn't need or love, including old keepsakes and such. The key is to get rid of the old and bring new energy to the home.

Fast forward a week since I started and I am sitting in an apartment that looks like a department store after an earthquake. I AM SO BAD at cleaning one area before moving to another. It's weird because I am not like this in school or work but when it comes to cleaning I can't finish a task at a time. So I have about 10 areas of unfinished tasks.

The good news is I have now thrown away.....(drum roll please)....14 backs of papers, kitchen appliances, knick knacks, keepsakes, etc. and I am nowhere near being done.

I just wish I could stick to a cleaning task when I get to a point of frustration... ::sigh::

PS: I know that was a boring post, but life post bar exam is what it is.

THE INEVITABLE MARCH MADNESS

I hate March. Really I do. First of all, I love winter, and cloudy skies and rainy weather. Spring and the allergies it brings not so much.

Second of all, its such a juggling act for me. Not only is it persian new year, which is a month long event which requires visiting everyone you know then having all of them turn around and come over and visit you. On top of that, everyone I seem to know has a b-day in March, most especially this week. This week it is my friend T-Perry's bday, my grandma's bday, my dad's bday and my BFF Shabnam's bday. On top of that , my friend Cyrano is also having a show that I would really like to go to this weekend. So every year I face the same dilemma: where do I go? Everyone always wants to celebrate on the weekend but clearly I can't be in 6 places at the same time. Of course, family takes precedent since they are most important but once family takes precedent, that pretty much takes up my weekend.

::Sigh:: Every march I feel like I let someone down and it sucks cuz inevitably I miss out on some festivity or another. On top of all that, I've been kind of a hermit, just licking the bar exam wounds and try to adjust to life after the bar and as other bar takers know, it's like adjusting when you've come home from war. ::sigh again:: this has been a rough week.

TWO PRODUCT RECOMMENDATIONS!

Recently I have had two great product experiences: The first one is something I have owned for a long time but never had time to use it: The Williams-Sonoma Kitchen Companion is amazing for both people who are kitchen savvy or beginners. It literally has every single kitchen ingredient you could ever think of and lists information such as how to select, how to prepare, what to use it for, etc. It also has every kitchen technique, such as boiling, blanching, braising, etc and how to do it. It's amazing!! Check out amazon and get yourself a cheap copy!!! Or check it out here: http://tinyurl.com/34paev


Product number 2 is a new one that I've wanted to try for a long time: The Neti Pot
I'm a long time allergy sufferer and I bought this a couple days ago from Whole foods and after using it ONLY ONCE I have been allergy pill free for 6 days after 13 years of taking allergy pills every day!!! Just mix some salt and warm water and presto! It's also awesome! Check it out also on amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Ancient-Secrets-Ceramic-Nasal-Cleansing/dp/B000OLEC6I

Hope these products are as good for your life as they have been for mine!!

BAR EXAM RUNDOWN

Better late than never right?

I know it's a bit delayed, but I feel like I should still do a bar exam wrap-up since all the other bloggers did and for my own sense of closure.

So this time I promised myself no studying during the 3 days and no panicking. On the way to Ontario, I modified the promise to no studying after midnight and no panicking. The only promise I kept was no panicking.

We get there on Monday and first of all let me say that the hotel hooked it up. Gave me a poolside room like I requested and put in the foam and feather pillows that I asked for. Fabulous.

Payam and Cyrano went to the bar downstairs to play pool and as much as I wanted to resist studying, I couldn't. I went down to the bar, had a large drink and went upstairs and hit the books. Went to sleep at 1 am (screw the midnight rule) and woke up at 5 am to study some more.

Day 1 (morning):
Ok, torts was unexpected but oh well, it was negligence and strict liability, no sweat. If after 3 years of law school and 2 bar exams, you can't spit out some negligence, well I don't know what to tell ya.

Professional responsibility was expected so I was super prepared for it. BUT, even though I had memorized all the CA distinctions, of course they had to ask the ones where the distinctions were less clear and harder to memorize. Oh well. It was ok.

Murder/Crim Pro: This was a cheap shot. Most people I talked to neglected this topic because (1) its generally easy to answer on the MBE and (2) it wasn't expected on the essay. I was one of these people. This essay took a lot of BSing on my part, I don't think I did well on the murder portion but I was pull some crap out for crim pro. The good thing is most people score lower on the last essay just b/c none of us actually keep an hour for it!

Day 1 Afternoon: OK THIS PERFORMANCE EXAM SUCKED!! Nothing about the assignment was hard, but for some reason the cases and the statutes didn't lend to a logical organization and the only thing that made sense was the last call of question which you didn't have enough time for because you spent the first 2 and a half hours pulling out your hair and crying into your laptop.

Day 2: MBE

Simple and to the point, sucked that they didn't ask any of the big stuff. Didn't fall asleep this time for longer than 4 questions. Whatever.


Day 3 Morning:

Trusts: I was afraid of trust but I think I did well on this one. I basically mentioned everything in trusts and either applied or dismissed. Sweet sweet deal.

Community Property: The same thing as Crim above. Didn't really study it, was able to miraculously remember Putative Spouse Doctrine. It was jacked that they only asked about bank accounts and I kept getting the accounts screwed up in my head.

Biz Orgs/agency/Prof Resp: Lot of issues and not a lot of time. So basically I put in a few key terms and hoped that they do some checkmark grading on that one.

So that's the rundown. Hopefully it went better this time!!